Which one?

"...making love with a woman and sleeping with a woman are two seperate passions, not merely different but opposite. Love does not make itself felt in the desire for copulation (a desire that extends to an infinite number of women) but in the desire for shared sleep (a desire limited to one woman)".*

So which woman I am, the one you want to sleep with or the one you want to sleep next to?


*Milan Kundera 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being'

life ideas

Have you ever sat in one place for a long time and watched people going by? No one looks back at you, no one smiles, not even their eyes. You can sit and wait but there isn't a person who would stop and look smilingly back really meaning it or at least walk pass you with a smile. Why do people forget to smile? Are they all that very busy, unhappy, worried, etc?

Once I was asked, why do people have someone’s (or something’s) photo at their work desks? Why do they do it? My initial answer was - I don't know. But today I think I found the answer. I believe (or I want to believe) that they have them because one look at the picture makes them smile. A short glimpse makes their day worthwhile. Maybe it is their way to stop, think something nicely or acknowledge their happiness and smile. It can be as simple as that a picture represents an idea of some form of happiness. (Of course, you could take an opposite approach but who would want to have something that causes bad feelings? Well, maybe a villain.) We can be so caught up with life that we need a physical material to remind as why, for what reason.

So I say to you, keep something with yourself that would enlighten you. The idea of your life can be easily lost. Don’t let that happen. Remember, smile!

words

Sometimes words do come out of me, like separate living creatures which you should never let out. They form this real shape and stand in the room, exposed to everyone who is around. And I hurt… I want them back inside me. But the words don’t care, they just stand - silent statues of my mind.
And now I am empty, exposed, hurt. The words of my mind please come back. I want to think again.

Welcome inside me

Patience! Patience…- they all say to me and it resonates inside me. I’ve heard this before, I have told that to myself and still I lack of it. There’s this horrible notion of time passing by and you are still standing in the same spot, waiting. Patience! Why do you let cravings and fears dictate you when it’s you who should be in control? I need to learn to let go of my mind’s grand designs and live. It is so simple, isn’t it? I have always tried not to plan anything in my life but I now find myself considering why I am where I am. I compare myself to everyone around me even if I consciously tell myself not to do it because there is no point in that. I like myself and who I am so why do I need to see if I have achieved as many things as others have/have not achieved. They said that everything would come with time so just be patient… Patience is a virtue and it is one that I need to learn, unfortunately there are no courses to sign up to so that you could learn that quicker.

No Fishing this Saturday

Lazy day

What do I want to do today? – Nothing. I want to hibernate in front of a TV set, watch silly movies and not think. Do you have those days when you sit at home and do nothing because if you try to do anything else your body protest with all its will. I do. Probably I have too many of them in my life but I have learned that trying to ignore my body’s commands is a lost battle so it’s just better to listen to what it is saying and do nothing. I am secretly hoping that something interesting would happen today which would take my laziness away but I shouldn’t put my hopes up. And I am afraid I might, just might be waiting for tomorrow to go to work. Nooooo! It’s the worst case of all, to look forward to a day’s work! Ok, maybe I do need to turn my thinking cap on cause at this rate I will soon be in work wishing for the day to end.

Right, I’ll have a shower just now and hope that by the time I’m out of the bathroom I will have some action plan ready.

Quite bored,
Tina Teaspoon

Rabbits hole.

Look at me!

Do you see me?

Well, my body is here but my mind is trying to escape the place. There are moments when time goes really slowly and all you can feel is yourself, struggling with the slowliness* and realisation that this will repeat itself again with a déjà vu sense.

I want to run and never come back as I did so many times before but reality is stronger than my will. I say that I don’t like changes but I do crave for them. At the end of the day – I just procrastinate without even having to put anything to put aside for an excuse of my procrastination.

Do I make sense?

My answer would be no. But you know what? I don’t understand myself either so I’m not surprised when no one else can pin me down.

Down I go into the rabbits hole…..

So, do you have any suggestions? Maybe you could give me some reasons, objectives and goals cause I’m tired of looking for them.


*I hope that I can claim this word as my invention