Naked thoughts

Today is raining, again… All I want to do is stay in bed naked whilst drinking tea and reading books. Forget the entire world and be only concerned about myself. And maybe you…  

Waiting for you,

Tina Teaspoon

Little dreams

Sometimes, just sometimes I dream it's me dancing:

Not me, not today...

I was sitting in the big concert not seeing, not hearing and not feeling. People all around me - people smiling, people dancing, people singing, drinking, laughing. I was there but all around me was total dark emptiness. No way out and no way in. My eyes were open but the colours were faded, life was nonexistent. 

Broken mind, broken soul, defeated by one self. It is scary to be but not to live.

 (image taken from http://1x.com/photos)

Viva Italia!

Vivia Italija! I want to shout on my last day in the country that welcomed me for a brief holiday time. I came to Italy with no expectations and no promises. Now that I am on my way back home I leave this wonderful country with warm memories and joyful tears in my eyes.

I would love to put all the good experiences down but as I try to do so they all sound as if copied from some cheep holiday postcard - great food, beautiful scenery, good weather... But I still must praise and give my dues to their coffee which made me excited and smiley with every single cup that I drank. The blend of mountains and valleys are now and forever imprinted in my memories with the unbelievable feeling of freedom as well as self peace. Red, white, sparkling, fruity, pale, dry wine cleansed my soul from life dirt to make me feel all new and ready to believe again. There is so much more unspoken inside me that will only be seen on my face when someone will mention the word Italy to me.

Vivo Italiano! I need to cry out, run and hug all the Italianos. They have returned my last belief in people. It has been a long time since I have seen such friendly, chatty, helpful and happy people. It is them who made me fall in love with their country. People have created the culture and friendliness, the so adored art and sacred churches, the never dying fashionable aesthetics. I now lust to live with them, eat with them, be around them, love them and hope to be loved back by them.

Grazi! I leave my heart in Italy with a dream to come back in an unforeseeable future to take it back.

Ciao,
Tina Teaspoon

Unique

‘Women don’t look for handsome men. Women look for men who have had beautiful women.’*

Maybe this is why she carefully asks him about his previous girlfriends. She needs to know how good they were and how beautiful they looked like. What do you think about them, how high do you regard them? It is pure self torture as all she wants to hear is how better she is. It is good to know that a man you are with has a good taste in women but you and only you want to be the most beautiful of all or the ‘most’ in something for him. You go to the extremes thinking that you would rather be the shortest or the loudest (or... think what you want) if not the most beautiful of them in order just to feel special; and how disappointing it is to hear that in a way you are not much different from all of them. You are just another woman.

Being just another woman is the idea that scares her. We all try to determine our unique self and establish ones immortality in another humans mind. You do not want to die but even more you do not want to fade away in someone else’s life, their memory. 

Why does he not tell her how special she is just for once?

*Milan Kundera from ‘The Book of Laughter and Forgetting’

Afraid

You say that you are afraid. That all of this is too quick, too much, too scary.

Do you ever have doubts about all of it? Do you ever think of turning away? Why?

It is said that a man cannot be happy as happiness is the longing for repetition*. So now that you have acquired repetition you are not happy again?

I am here and I cannot do anything more. I just wait... Maybe one day you will be sure.

*Milan Kundera ‘The Unbearable lightness of being’

Sunday

I like rainy Sundays when you are in no hurry, when the world exits only outside and there is no need to see anyone or to go anywhere.

I have my first cup of coffee in my bed. I can hear the raindrops quietly knocking on the window. I imagine that the whole city is having a lazy morning in a bed. Synchronised coffee drinking time.

At some point I decide to get out of bed. Another cup of coffee follows with a piece of toast. I sit in front of an open window and can smell the freshness that is only felt on those wonderful rainy summer days.

Total emptiness.

Only at these kind of moments one realise how happy life can be, no matter what. Time stops and only rain continuous. It is true, rain washes everything away so that you could start from a blank page again.